2026.10.18 | Release & Perseverance

“Release & Perseverance”
Matt 18:21-22; Hebrews 12:1-3

Preached By
Rev. Ashley Wai'olu Moore

Eden United Church of Christ 
Cherryland, CA
October 18, 2026

Good morning Beloved! 

Recently, I had a couple of conversations about whether to include some particular pieces of music in our worship service. For one of those compositions it was pointed out to me that, although the composer was known to have written some beautiful and beloved hymns, the author had also credibly been accused of misdeeds and unethical behavior. And while I agreed with the decision to not use that music, it sparked some philosophical and theological reflection within me. 

Didn’t Jesus call us to forgive one another, and as the reading we just heard says, seventy seven times? In other translations the text reads seventy times seven. And isn’t our bible full of stories about how God uses imperfect and flawed people to do good things? That is really good news, because none of us are perfect. All of us have character defects and make mistakes from time to time. 

The good news of the gospel is that God loves us and wants to be in relationship with us, so he took the sins of the world upon himself so that we would be forgiven!

Will you pray with me…

As you may recall, I was not raised in church. Growing up I heard the biblical characters referred to as “the saints.” I assumed that meant they were saint-like - exceptional people that we should aspire to emulate. So when I finally got around to actually reading the bible in my 30s, I was surprised to see that the book was, in fact, full of imperfect and broken people. People who doubted and stumbled. People who made messes out of things even after God had promised to bless them. People that God elevated to prominence and who still let their character flaws cause them to falter and do harm. King David certainly tops that list for me. Boy did he make some terrible choices. But God forgave him and venerated his line as the one that would bring forth the messiah.

In our churches, we acknowledge his faults, his bad choices, his vulnerabilities. He reminds us that even the greatest can stumble. 

But we remember him as God’s beloved and celebrate his successes because he repented and relied on God’s mercy. Thus, his life serves as a symbol of messianic hope throughout the scriptures.  And many of the traditional hymns and praise music we sing feature lyrics pulled directly from the Psalms he wrote.

It is also well known that one of our most beloved hymns, “Amazing Grace,” was written by the captain of a trans-Atlantic slave ship one terrifying night while he was caught in a storm at sea. Written in 1748, the lyrics are a profound confession of the author’s sins, repentance and renewal of faith. He went on to become an ardent abolitionist and was later ordained in the Church of England.

Then there’s Methodist co-founder Charles Wesley, who wrote more than 6500 hymns in his life. He was criticized for expressing theological ideas that conflicted with his brothers, for ardently preferring hymns over sermons, and in 1736 was accused of lewdness and misbehavior. But for many of us, Christmas and Easter would not be the same without singing some of his hymns.

So I found myself wondering, rhetorically, why are these composers' works still acceptable while others are not? To be clear, I am not concerned with any particular hymns or composers. What I have been contemplating is how we are practicing the tenants of our faith. Are we embodying the forgiveness of the faith we profess? If God can use broken people to accomplish good, are we hindering God’s efficacy through our lack of forgiveness?

Forgiveness is mentioned in the bible 146 times. In his teachings, Jesus makes it clear that forgiveness is essential for a Christian life, that forgiveness is a key component for building a relationship with God. Do we not pray each and every week “forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us?” Indeed, Ephesians 4:31-32 says that we should “Put away all bitterness, wrath, anger, wrangling, slander, (and) all malice.” It says we are to “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you.”

In Luke 17:3-4, Jesus put it this way: “Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times saying, I repent, you must forgive him.”

Therefore, it does not matter how many times others have wronged us; if they turn to us and ask for forgiveness, Jesus instructs us to forgive them. He uses the word ‘must,’ which leaves us with no other option.

But that does not mean that it’s easy to do. In our world, accountability and justice have become so rare that we often cling to the pain that others have caused us and the indignity arising from those harms. While I believe naming such harms and calling out bad behavior is a necessary part of the healing process, I have also witnessed how staying in that wounded and angry place inhibits healing and can actually lead to more harm. That rage can fill our hearts, minds and spirits with the very kind of energy that created our tormentors. It poisons our spirits and drives us out of relationship with our Creator. 

Now let me be clear - I am not echoing the kind of “forgive and forget” theology that has been preached in the past. As a surviver of physical and sexual abuse, I absolutely do not support the kind of  poisonous theology that perpetrators and abusers have used to manipulate their victims in order to keep them trapped in a toxic situations. Forgiveness does not require reconciliation. They are two different things. Look at Jacob and Esau in the book of Genesis. We absolutely should establish healthy boundaries for ourselves and our loved ones. We also should separate ourselves from toxic people when necessary. But still, Jesus calls us to forgive.

Forgiveness is something you have to practice. It is a choice that we have to make over and over. Seventy times seven. It is a spiritual practice. It teaches us how to release the pain that we have experienced, learn how to heal and build resilience. Resilience is not standing in your pain and adopting a fighting posture. That is as much a prison as the other. Resilience is discovering the way out, the way forward, the path to a new reality.

I stand convicted that forgiveness is a path to healing and release from the torment of staying stuck in, and re-living, personal trauma. Whereas something like post traumatic stress creates cyclical, repeating loops in our brains that cause us to re-live our pain, the neuro-biological result of forgiveness closes off the pain centers in our brains. Forgiveness builds new pathways that can bring healing. So ultimately, forgiveness is not for the other person, but for ourselves. I know this first hand - because I escaped from that reality. 

I can hear some of you saying that “It’s easier said than done.” “You don’t know what he /she / they did to me.” “They deserve to hurt as much as I did.” Believe me, I DO understand. I lived with such feelings for a long time. And I also know how liberating hard-won forgiveness can be. So that you know I don’t say these things lightly, let me share a few items from my past with you. Be advised though that some of this may be triggering. So please take care of yourselves: feel free to leave the room if you need to.

Now I have testified before about the physical abuse of my father, though I rarely speak about specifics. There was a time in my life when I acutely remembered those harms and was full of resentment and anger. It was impacting my life and my relationships. I knew I had to find a way of processing it. In therapy, I learned that coming to understand your perpetrator’s history and the circumstances that shaped and spawned their violence is an effective technique. Empathy can open a door to forgiveness. So let me begin by sharing a bit of relevant family background. 

In the beginning of the 20th century, life on the reservation was hard for the Hopi people. Wanting a better life for her child, my Great Grandmother gave her daughter up for adoption. My Grandmother was raised by a school teacher who taught her western ways and encouraged her to try to fit in. But Indians were not really treated like whites and were regularly subject to many indignities. My Grandfather was a white man from back east and when he married my Grandmother, his family completely disowned him. According to family lore, he was heart broken and started drinking heavily. Soon he couldn’t hold down a job, abandoned the family and became a homeless “hobo.” His body would be found in an abandoned building about a month before I was born.

In the meantime, my Grandmother had 3 children to raise. She got a job working at the Richmond docks during the second world war but wasn’t able to look after the kids. The 2 boys were made wards of the state and sent off to live with a Catholic priest who taught them to be ashamed of their indigenous heritage. My uncle Mike was gay and was berated for his sexuality; treatment that scarred him for the rest of his life. My father, who was bisexual and maybe gender conflicted, internalized all of this - which metastasized as a deep self hatred.

From the time I was young, he was deeply conflicted and unhappy, prone to fits of anger in which he threw things and beat all of us. And he was a meaner drunk. He would turn into another person and we would all try to stay out of the path of his rage. 

I carry scars on my body to this day. Every morning when I look in the mirror, I can see the spot where he hit me in the face, damaged my lip and forever altered my smile. I wear my hair in this asymmetrical style to cover the lump on my forehead where he once hit me with a hammer. Then there was the time he threw me on the ground, jumped on top of me, caught my throat in the crook of his arm, stuck his knee into the small of my back and pulled backward. I had back problems for 3 decades following that event.

But one of the most egregious acts was the night he showed up at our apartment with a shotgun filled with murderous intent. I remember waking up as the first shot rang out and the mirror above the bed shattered into a million shards. I could hear him screaming. He was drunk. Because of that, he had left the rest of his ammunition back in his truck. When he left to reload, the 3 of us climbed out a window, climbed over a fence and escaped into the night. For the next 3 years we were in hiding: moved around, changed schools, and weren't allowed to tell anyone how to contact us. Although the police later confiscated all of his guns, it was the 1970s and he was eventually awarded partial custody. I moved out when I was 17. 

Two years later, in August of 1986, my Uncle Mike died from AIDS. Around the same time, a teacher noticed marks and bruises on my step-sister’s body. Child Protective Services began an investigation and eventually removed my father from the house. But rather than allow himself to be held accountable, on the Monday following Thanksgiving, he went to a park, put a gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger. But he survived. 

For the next 2 weeks he was in the hospital on life support. The family was in shock and deeply conflicted. The doctor’s prognosis was that my Dad was brain dead and completely reliant on the machines to keep him alive. There was no hope of recovery. His body would fail without the machines. I remember my family arguing for hours over how to proceed. My Dad’s sister was the most resistant to the doctor’s recommendation and made everyone feel guilty for considering unplugging him. 

But eventually the decision was made. The immediate family gathered in a circle around his bed to say our goodbyes. His head was bandaged and his face deformed. It was a difficult situation. It was the culmination of so much abuse and trauma, what could be said? But slowly and haltingly, we each took a turn speaking. We could see the complete lack of brain activity on the monitor. But as we were speaking, tears began to roll down my fathers face. Though the monitor was flat lined and he was lying as still as ever, somehow he was still present…and weeping.

We left the room with even more questions. But that was it. He was a victim of his own violence, his own self hatred. There would be no accountability, no answers, no resolution, no reconciliation, just a traumatic end to a troubled life.

About two weeks later, we held a memorial service. The family sat together in disassociated shock as about 2 dozen people got up and talked about what a great guy my Dad was. We didn't say a word through the whole service. 

But the thing is, that IS who he was to them! My dad’s social side was charming and funny. People loved him and would never have guessed about his dark side. He was Yin and Yang. It would take me a long time to remember that side of him. For many years I was totally focused on how broken and flawed he had made me feel, the pain he had caused me, and the ways I felt wronged by him. 

But the personal misery that resulted became unbearable and I had to find a way to heal. Years of therapy helped tremendously. I began to understand what HE had been through. I began to remember his good side. To recall his disarming smile and the way he could charm people. And I started to consider the positive effects he had also had on my life.

Chief among these was music. My dad was the one who encouraged my music. He recognized my talent. He paid for drum and piano lessons for me. When I took up the guitar, he bought me an instrument. If it weren't for him, I would not be playing music here at Eden today. Though he caused me great pain, he also gave me my greatest joy. In fact the best memories I have of him are of the two of us playing guitars and singing together. His good side has blessed many through the calling that Jesus placed on my life.

I’m sure that sounds confusing, but children from such families often have similar stories. They hate the things their parents did, but on some level they still loved them and hoped that somehow things would change and get better.

It’s a complicated way to grow up. Hurt people hurt people. Understanding his past helped me understand the circumstances that contributed to his self hatred. I finally chose to forgive him. Eventually, the soul wound I had carried was healed and I was free of his darkness. It wasn’t once and done, it took work. But I have a chance to practice every time I look in the mirror. As a result, I have learned to forgive easily. 

During this time I also read the gospels and fell in love with the teachings of Jesus. Understanding the depth of the forgiveness extended to us by Jesus was the catalyst that changed everything for me. And as I began praying the Lord’s prayer in ernest, I embraced the lesson of forgiving others in the way Christ forgives us. I made it a point to practice forgiveness every single day and it transformed my life. In 1999, my first act of ministry was helping my Mom’s father find forgiveness at the end of his life.

Over the years that followed, I increasingly became called into ministry and experienced wonderful and miraculous things. I met people from many walks of life that I would not have otherwise encountered and got to witness how God is still using flawed and imperfect people to bless others.

One was a poor transgender woman from Mississippi whose family did not support her transition. During the 1990s, she had few prospects and turned to prostitution to support herself. Along the way, she unknowingly contracted AIDS and because of that, was later convicted of attempted murder and sent to prison. 

When I met her, she had just gotten out of prison and moved to California. Over the next decade, I saw her become a powerful singer and minister in her own right who positively changed the lives of many.

In seminary, I met a man from New York who had gotten mixed up with a bad crowd of kids when he was a teen. While they were out partying one night, things took a bad turn and he killed someone. He went to prison for something like 30 years. He met Jesus there. Now he is an accomplished and well respected Lutheran pastor in the mid west sharing his story and doing God’s work.

God can work incredible goodness out of tragic circumstances. God can use damaged people to bless others. If they repent for their actions, we are called to forgive them. If, simultaneously, we need to no longer be in a relationship with them, so be it. But let us also not be obstacles to the blessings that God can bring through a repentant, broken person.

Forgiveness is not a feeling, it is a choice. Forgiveness is not instantaneous, it is a practice. It does not change others, it changes us. It can free us from the past and enable us to build a better future.

 Beloved, conflicts will arise over time in any community. People are complicated and will do complicated things. The church is no different. But as Christians we are called to forgive one another as Christ forgave us. That is one of the ways others will know we’re God’s people. Forgiveness is one aspect of manifesting the kin*dom on earth.

In these times, the lack of empathy, understanding and forgiveness is tearing our society apart. Everyone feels so self righteous, judging others, believing their way is right. But Jesus said judge not lest we be judged. 

So as we move forward, envisioning and building Eden’s future, let forgiveness be one of the tools we use in this place to set aside our differences and respond anew to the calling of the Holy Spirit.

Amen.